It has been too long! And I’m very sorry for my absence but lots of things about my blog posting situation has changed…
For one thing… I am now writing with a newborn in my arms…
In November of last year my husband and I welcomed our first child, a boy, into our lives and so much has changed.
Throughout pregnancy and continuing to this day, people see a baby bump or a stroller and use it as an open door to offer child rearing advice. “Don’t even get them started on the binky”, “my child was sleeping through the night at six days old!”, “get them on the bottle early or you’ll spoil them on the boob”.
Most advice is contradictory: don’t get them dependent on the pacifier but don’t spoil them on the breast either, being a working mother means you don’t love your kids but being a stay at home mom means you’re “lucky” or “spoiled” or not a feminist, and the list goes on and on and on.
It is so confusing! And honestly, it all reminds me a little bit of therapy.
When you see a therapist, especially if you have been in therapy in the past, some of the support can sound contradictory. Here are some examples: therapists love to teach mindfulness skills; live in the moment with a nonjudgmental attitude, but sometimes talking out “worst case future scenario” is best practice. Therapists also make their living from helping people through their problems, but want so badly for them to, one day, figure things out on their own. Therapists want you to practice introspection, deep reflection on your own motivations and biases, but don’t want you to push this skill on others.
It can be hard to learn discretion in these areas, and honestly, at times, I have a hard time teaching it to clients.
Out in the world and in the therapy office, it seems the best decisions are made when you have your loved ones’ at heart and follow your gut while smiling and nodding politely at unwarranted advice-givers.
That is all! Enjoy your day.